The Fellow-Ship of a ring: The need for a community of men

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I just watched a movie (second time) about the life of J.R.R Tolkein.  It was an amazing story of his life and how it impacted the writing of his master works.   At the end of the movie, he’s made most of the connections in his mind, to be able to sit down and write what would become the “Lord of the Ring” trilogy.  His children are asking him what the story was about.  He fumbles with some mega themes and then finishes with the last word of the movie.  “Fellowship”
 
Certainly, one of the major themes that draws men to a movie like this is the comradery and companionship of the men who are on quest in the Lord of the Rings:  4 Hobbits, 2 soldiers of Rohan; an elf; a dwarf; and a wizard.  They embark on a journey that would change their lives forever, facing every type of hardship and evil imaginable.   They succeed on the strength of their fellowship.  Each one brings something to the cause that would make victory unimaginable without it. 
 
Fellowship.  Even the word is masculine, isn’t it?  Fellow-ship.  Merriam-Webster says it’s a ‘community of interest’;  ‘like-minded people.’    
 
Every man has a deep longing to be on a journey with other men in an epic adventure like this.  Besides a fantastical journey like this one, the only experiences that are relatable to us are through sports and war.   I was in the Army during the Reagan years (1980-1988) and I can remember feeling a bit ‘cheated’ not going to at least a skirmish of sorts.  It sounds a bit perverted.  Who really wants to go into a war and yet, those who do and make it through are connected together with other men in battle in a manner that is impossible to experience any other way. 
 
As I traveled around the world with ministry, I was often in third world countries where I would see men gathered in a spot together.  My western mindset would often think of how lazy they appeared being gathered together in the heat of the day while their wives or the women did most of the work around the home.  But men in the Bible did the same things as they sat at the gate during the day.  Passages like Genesis 19:1 say,
 
The two angels arrived at Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gateway of the city. When he saw them, he got up to meet them and bowed down with his face to the ground.
 
You discover that much of the village business and municipal affairs took place at the village gate where the men of old would sit and make decisions concerning the town.   I’m sure there were also a lot of stories being passed around along with drink, food, and maybe even some merriment.  Men love women but still need to be with other men in community.
 
This idea of connectedness is vital to Treign Up.  We’ve already stated that boys will look for validation from somewhere because we all have a strong need to belong, which is spiritual.  I’ll discuss this in more detail later, but it almost sounds contrary to our individualistic nature in the west.  Everyone wants to be his own man . Independence!  That’s the key.  Nothing could be further from the reality of human nature. 
 
In his book, “WAR”, Sebastian Junger chronicles his experiences covering an Army platoon stationed in the Restrepo, Afghanistan.  One of his observations is how the dynamic of war takes your attention off yourself and puts it on the group so that your central concern shifts from yourself to others.  Everyone must depend on others for their survival and when the stakes are so high, that makes the bond very strong.  Upon arriving home from such an experience there is ‘loss’ that is not about the battle but about the bond that was created.  I’ll never forget that final scene in the last episode of the movie trilogy, “The Return of the King”.   After being gone a year on their incredible adventure, Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Merry, must somehow enter back into the Shire and the society they left behind to save.  None of the others could possibly understand their situation.  
 
We were home. How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on... when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend... some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold.
 
The final step in Campbell's classic Hero's Journey is the hero returns home, having changed. The hero is different and no longer fits. Then, traditionally, the hero leaves again, this time for good. It's a common motif.
 
The closest I ever came to this was a company command of a training unity at Fort Lee, VA in the 80s.  Because it was still initial Army entry training, there was a strong sense of discipline and drill that went into the training:  Inspections, marching, parades, barracks life, etc.  I spent 15 months in command with a cadre of drill sergeants and support staff.  On the night before I changed command, I walked through the area of operation and wept to the depths of my soul.  It was an uncontrollable sobbing that racked my spirit and body and it went on for hours.  I hid behind the barracks praying that no one would see me.  But, I could not contain myself.  Nothing was said and I spoke to no one that night, but I will never forget the incredible sadness in my heart.  I had only touched the outside rim of that circle of fellowship and it brought me to my knees.
 
It brings me back to this idea of connectedness between men, in particular, which runs against the stereotype of men being alpha males and loners.    In our western society, there are no ‘enemies’ that require for us to band together and fight against.  I’ve talked about how this dynamic has affected the Necessity Cycle for manhood and consequently contributed to the issue of Lost Boys.  However, we are, in fact, wired for this type of community, which is one of the reasons that you see gangs and other alternative and negative ‘bands’ develop in times like these.   You don’t have to go further than high school to verify this.  I love the movie, “The Incredibles”.  InvisiGirl (Violet Parr) represents every adolescent child in the world.  They DON’T want to stand out an any cost.  Just blend in.  Be invisible.  Belong.  It may be about a girl, but….
 
Junger states that adversity doesn’t, in fact, spark individualism, but rather community.  There is a shared ethos of group survival during tragedy.  We regularly see this in our own history, if we are paying attention.  While the news may focus on the debase and selfish, the truth is that most people turn towards their neighbors and their communities to face a difficult situation together.  In the movie Titanic, a selfish elitist, Caledon Hockley, saves himself first as the ship sinks.  Once again,. Hollywood plays the man as the villain.  In fact, =75% of the women and 50% of the children survived.  Only 19% of the men survived that catastrophe.  Do you know why?  They understood their role and they knew what they must do.  One of my favorite scenes is the string players in the band playing “Nearer My God to Thee” as the ship went down.  A true band of brothers.  That IS the heart of men. 
 
In one of his “Art of Manliness” blogs, Brett McKay suggests that every boy needs three families (communities) for healthy development.  He calls them a first, second, and third family.
 
The first family is the nuclear family and we have talked about the disintegration of this family as one of the root causes of the boy crisis.    The second family is the extended family. This may be a neighborhood or relatives.  Michael Gurian say this Second Family reinforces the values and skills taught within the home, and also helps give young men a sense of identity and belonging. This extended family is doubly important for boys raised in single parent households.  The third family is social groups like churches, schools, teams, etc.   I don’t agree with anything that Hillary Clinton says, especially if it relates to men, but there is some truth that it takes a village to raise a son.  Still, the point of all of this is the need to belong.   The statistics for success are stacked against boys who don’t find their place of belonging.
 
How do we bring this back to a spiritual truth?   It’s not a stretch and if you know your Bible you could see it coming a mile away.  
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We in the body of Christ were made for community.  The very word ‘ekklesia”  is a Greek word that is borrowed by the church.  It is a secular word for ‘gatherings’.  It means “called out ones.”   They are called out to gather together in community. This ‘bride’, or ‘body’ is made up of like-minded people who are gathered together for the purpose of bringing glory to God through works and deeds.   This highest calling is meant to be carried out in community and never in isolation.  In fact, being isolated is most often considered a primary tactic of the enemy (Satan) to bring defeat. If he (the devil) can get you away from the ‘ekklesia’,  he can defeat you there.  The list of gifts in Romans 12: 6-8 consists of 7 ‘motivational gifts’ that are individually possessed. Missing just one of these gifts puts the ‘fellowship’ out of balance and at risk.  It is clearly a picture of community and appreciating each other’s gifts for the greater good of the group.  It is survival. It’s spiritual survival in a world where WE are the enemy.  (This world is NOT our friend!)  Men need a ‘brother’hood.  Men need a ‘fellow’ship.   In the early church, we are told that Christians continuously devoted themselves to fellowship (Acts 2:42). The word is translated from a Greek word, koinonia, which means to ‘have in common’ or ‘to share’.  Here again, you can see that it was many years of persecution before the early church was free to follow Christ.  These underground groups were mostly house churches and the ‘enemy’ outside the walls helped reinforce this early koinonia for the sake of survival.   This goes back to our earlier point about how the ‘enemy’ outside can galvanize a group of people with a common goal. 
 
This is one of the reasons that the ‘company of men’ is so vital to the life of Treign Up.  We believe only a company of men can affirm a boy into manhood;  that is more than an individual father or male figure alone.   Therefore, gathering men together in community is part of mission; men in community and not just networks.   In his documentary work, “Korengal”, Junger argues that networking only further alienates men and keeps them in loneliness,, anxiety, and fear.    For more information on the differentiations between networks and communities, I recommend “Dumbing Us Down” by John Gatto.
 
One last line from “Lord of the Ring”.  Lady Galadriel whispers to the ring bearer this line:
 
The Quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little, and it will fail, to the ruin of all.  Yet hope remains while the Company is true.
 
Hope does remain as long as the company (of men) is true.

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