July 12th, 2026

There are entire fields of study related to child sexuality and what constitutes normal and abnormal behavior in children as it relates to sexual behavior.   While I admit I may not be the best source of counsel on this topic, information about the issue is readily available and I know people who are well trained on the matter.  Since I try and inform our constituency on matters relating to the development of boys,  I don’t want to shy away from a hard issue just because I’m not a professional in the field.  Fathers need to understand at what point they should be concerned about their son’s sexual development and if there are red flags that indicate they should seek help guiding their sons through these stages of life.
 
A recent situation in a local Christian school was brought to my attention and I reached out to my friend Cathy Sparks, a child counselor in Spartanburg, SC.  Dr. Sparks credentials are numerous:  B.S., Wofford College; M.Ed., Ed.S., University of South Carolina; Ed.S., Converse University; Ed.D., Liberty University.  She has taught at Converse University and the University of South Carolina Upstate. At Erskine, she began as an adjunct Professor in Christian Counseling and now serves as director for the Master of Arts in Christian Counseling program. Dr. Sparks maintains a clinical practice in Lyman, S.C., working with young children in play therapy and has been published in the Play Therapy magazine. 
 
I asked her what behaviors were considered normal for preschool children as it related to sexual development.  She sent me a document that I found very helpful in distinguishing between normal, abnormal, and disconcerting behaviors.  If you are a father (or mother) and seeing the behaviors in the right-hand column of this paragraph, you should seek professional help quickly as it relates to your child.

If you see this behavior in other children, you should consider action.

1. Consider the possibility of sexual abuse—but don't assume it. While concerning sexual behaviors can sometimes result from sexual abuse, they can also stem from exposure to pornography, witnessing sexual activity, certain behavioral or developmental disorders, or other stressors. A trained professional should evaluate the situation.
2. Ensure the child's safety. If you have any reason to believe someone has sexually abused the child or is currently putting them at risk, separate the child from that individual and contact the appropriate child protection authorities or law enforcement immediately.

What not to do

• Don't punish or shame the child.
• Don't repeatedly question the child, as this can unintentionally influence their answers.
• Don't promise to keep secrets if the child discloses something concerning.
• Don't try to conduct your own investigation if abuse is suspected—leave detailed interviewing to professionals trained in forensic interviewing.

Most importantly, remember that the behavior itself is a signal that deserves attention, not a label for the child. Early assessment can identify whether the behavior reflects normal development, exposure to inappropriate material, emotional distress, a developmental condition, or possible abuse, and it allows the child to receive appropriate support as soon as possible.